I have a very deep respect for the shower. And I will tell you why…
My whole life I can honestly say I have craved penetration. In fact, when I was little around 7 or 8 years old, I used to wad up the washcloth in the shower and press my lower body up against the bulge. I never inserted the bulge into my vulva, but instead kept it near the top part of my vulva closer to my lower abdomen, so that when I was lying on top of it in the shower, I could feel the pressure of it “down there”. You see back in those days just the feeling of the bulge against my lower abdomen was enough to satiate my desire for insertion. I would lie there, water rolling down my body adding further sensation to the experience, and so many fantasies would infiltrate my thoughts. I didn’t even necessarily have the language yet for what my body craved or what my mind thought about…I only knew I needed my alone time in the shower and my mother gave it to me, one of the few private and guarded times in a very chaotic and busy house. As the years went by, I learned to delight, indulge and deeply protect my alone time learning to masturbate in the shower.
So much so that by the time I moved in with my ultra-Christian/conservative dad and stepmom at 10 years old, I was already really addicted to the feelings I got when I explored my body in the shower. By that point I had already advanced to holding my clit under the water facet and using the amazing water pressure as a way to cum. I called it my “cinnamon time”. Don’t ask why, just felt like cinnamon was a word that matched how the sensation felt when I came so I went with it! The orgasms were so hard back in those days that I would also softly sing a little song to myself while orgasming, TLC’s “Baby Baby Baby”. Then I would hear that song on the radio and instantly feel ashamed. It wouldn’t be till my 30’s that I would hear that song come on the radio and NOT feel ashamed of my younger self. I also wound up teaching others to masturbate. Then I would later feel guilty about that too. Having received so many conflicted messages about masturbation at that time, I just wasn’t sure if it was right or wrong to teach another person my cool shower trick. As a result, I only really taught a few close and trusted friends over the years growing up but overall just kept my shower shenanigans mostly underground for fear of being outed as a pervert or something of the like. It would take an entire sex therapy career and a lot of unwinding religious indoctrination and dogma to come to terms with my early masturbation days.
As of today, I must say that I LOVE getting penetrated. My current partner is incredible. He is just as hyper-sexual as I am and gives me penetration daily. Sometimes three times a day. Often times multiple times a day. It is wonderful. Thinking back on my early days of craving penetration and learning to masturbate in the shower with the washcloth and water facet makes me feel like getting this much penetration (and working as a sex educator) has now made everything come full circle. I wanted penetration like this my whole life and now I am getting it. Teaching it even. Yay! And respectively the shower is still a sacred place to me for all of the reasons, but now days I do not masturbate in it anymore. For starters, I can’t and won’t run the water that long since I pay for it and there is a shortage. But also, I grew up and into my very own daily ritual of penetration outside of the shower and even though I will never forget my primal ways to come, I thoroughly enjoy my dry time in bed versus my long time under water. But still, I will just simply never forget my first masturbation sanctuary. And for that, I pay homage to the shower.
EDITORS NOTES: As a child, I used the water facet and washcloth on the outside of my body. I did not and do not recommend anyone putting anything inside their body unless it is a certified body safe object. Also, please always practice safe sex.
She is a 4th wave, intersectional feminist, proud slut, and mommy to two wonderful little girls.