When I was 10, I decided something for myself. Something big.
A better life!
One more stable and secure then the one I was currently living in.
…I simply picked up the phone and dialed for Nana. I knew her number. We knew numbers back then. Now I only know it started with 619…
But She picked up right away. Which is something she had done often. And I cried and told her I was scared. So scared. Roberta had gone too far. She kept pushing the envelope everyone knew this, but finally…it was different. I broke.
Nana listened. She believed me. And then she did what needed to be done.
She rescued me. {thank you…Nana, 143*}
And there. Just like that. It was done! The deed was done.
I was going to my dad’s house to have my own room {and he also promised me a bike} and for some reason I knew this time, it would be for good.
You see I had tried for dad’s house before and failed. I didn’t really ever feel like I fit in over there. And my mom used to tell me she was the only one who loved me. And for a while I believed her. Plus, my whole life I had to take care of my mom. And I didn’t ever want to be too far from her. I needed her and she definitely needed me. I really tried not to stray too far. I was a good student but I liked to stay home from school to watch her. And she would let me. We were together a lot. So any time I went to stay with my dad it wouldn’t be that long before I would get so emotionally upset that my dad had to send me back to my mom. Even if his time was getting cut for it. She was the only one who could calm me down.
But standing there. At a young yet very old ten years old. With Nana on the other line.
I broke that rule. Because I finally felt broken. And I needed another way to calm myself down. One less risky. So I made a call that would forever change the course of my life. And in doing so I wound up bringing forth one of my most profound and memorable manifestations I would ever dare to dream up. One I created in severe trauma. One that would guide me even as an adult. And in that manifestation I learned how powerful my mind is. To heal. Protect. And survive.
I took all that in the car with me when my dad and step mom picked me up in a white accord.
She is a 4th wave, intersectional feminist, proud slut, and mommy to two wonderful little girls.